Empty

Sadness. Emptiness. I hate these feelings. Yet, that is where I am.  5 days ago we said goodbye to our students at our school. 4 days ago we said goodbye to many fellow teachers and staff. Today we said goodbye to our cat- my “baby”.  Now we are at the beach for our 6 year anniversary and although I am thankful and grateful for SO many things and so in love with my amazing husband- I am feeling sad, blue, and empty.  I am a mother at heart with no children and at the end of every school year I feel a bit sad and emptied by the fact that I don’t have anyone to take care of.  This school year I was blessed beyond belief with people and animals to take care of. I had my students at school, my husband and friends to help at school and home, kids to minister to and love on at Lower Rock Quarry and SHIP, and a cat at home to care for and love on. Unfortunately with these great blessings comes great heartache in letting go. Now I have 7 days left in the Philippines and many more goodbyes ahead. I feel empty.  I know the future has great opportunity, I know God has great things in store, I know God has used me in great ways this year, I know I have purpose. I think it’s ok to know all this and still feel emptied. “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven.....He has made everything beautiful in its time....” Ecclesiastes 3

   I am waiting Lord, patiently waiting for renewed purpose and to be filled to overflowing by you. 

  I’ve already thanked my husband in advance for dealing with me lovingly and patiently over the next few weeks- as it’s going to  be hard. I would ask the same of anyone else who loves me.  I’m coming home with amazing life experiences and amazing testimonies of God’s greatness but I’m also coming home emptied and with a broken heart. The other day I told my Dad that saying goodbye to the kids at Lower Rock Quarry would break my heart into a million pieces. He lovingly reminded me that hearts heal.  This is true of course, but never easy.  Thankfully I have a heavenly Father that cares about me just as much as my earthly father and He is the healer, He can mend my sadness, pain and fill this empty vessel that is still eager to serve Him in whatever He has next.